At this rate, the Times of India and its interest in science will render the Indian male completely obsolete. And this is not just about the S.I.P.* brouhahahahahaha. Last week, we read heartening reports about the average Indian male's umm, performance timeframe. Twelve minutes it seems. By far the shortest umm, window.
And science doesn't seem to favour men in general. A group of German scientists have created a semi-evolved version (as opposed to...) of sperm cells by isolating specific stem cells in bone marrow. Bone marrow. Come
on, you guys! Centuries of chest-beating, chest-hair-growing, growling, grunting, hunting, fighting, self-superiorising, patronising, patriarchalising and all along, what made you essential for human existence was in MY BONES? Good grief! I feel stupid on behalf of myself, my contemporaries and all women before us.
No reason to panic, though, it’s going to be simply ages before anything life-changing (get it? Get it?) takes place in this area. The minute it’s actually possible to have half-decent swimmers created entirely out of a minute portion of our elbows, people will start questioning the ethical and social implications of marrow jizz. Give me a break. Male behaviour with all its many shortcomings has been accepted, embraced, ethically ramified and even encouraged by virtue of the fact that they were capable of creating those little sailors. Now that those little sailors can come out of my collarbone, maybe it’s time to start questioning the ethical ramifications of allowing a man to continue to live.
Fact is, none of this is making me feel better. Why? Because I’m stupid- it’s my USP.
The ability to produce better sperm, and maintain better milkshake doesn’t keep one warm at night.
*S.I.P.- Small Indian Penis
